30 translations for people who struggle with hints


Disclaimer: this article contains a lot of tongue-in-cheek humour that’s not to be taken seriously. And if I know anything about the internet, there are people out there who will take this tongue-in-cheek humour the wrong way. Readers are advised to concentrate on enjoying the article, rather than seeing it as a judgemental critique of humankind!

 

If you’re anything like me- particularly the bit about being on the autism spectrum- you may have trouble getting hints. You may prefer (and even naturally expect) people to:

  1. Say what they mean
  2. Mean what they say.

Unfortunately, the general population has a peculiar tradition of using words that don’t match their thoughts. Sometimes they are even known to say the complete opposite of what they mean (even in a non-sarcastic sense), with the expectation on us to interpret the thoughts in their head, rather than the words from their mouth.

 

But worry no more! Today I bring you a short translation project, which should help some of you navigate the (figurative) waters of people’s non-literal words.

 

So, here we go!

1 2 3 4 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

 

No doubt there are a hundred I missed. Feel free to share them in the comments!

 

Chris / Captain Quirk

Chris Bonnello is an autism speaker, available to lead talks and training sessions from the perspective of an autistic former teacher. For further information please click here (opens in new window).

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16 Comments

  1. To be honest, some of the translations have more subtext than the original phrases. I know it’s meant to be funny, but it verges on judgmental and ranty.

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    • Reading it back, I see your point- some may take it that way. (Also, it’s difficult to write a tongue-in-cheek humorous article when most of your others are there to make serious points.) Added a disclaimer to the top. 🙂 Thanks.

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      • Hey cheers for the reply Captain! I thought I would share how I was feeling at the time, it’s all meant with the best intentions. Some of us struggle with jokes as you well know 🙂

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    • quite a lot of these are nasty derisive psychopathic manipulation tactics….i do hope you realise that, most people will hint very differently from the double double inferrences and guilt tripping exemplified here..
      last potato?
      if yu want it …do not offer it to me.
      if you hide that in your voice??
      but secretly want it but are being generous for its own sake? tough shit if i want it, thats generosity for you.. you offered it..
      most decent people dont fuck around like that and do you want the last potato may well mean “i really want to eat the last potato but im a greedy bastard polease eat it first”
      youve got to learn prosody and inferrrence and psychopaths,,or just kick the facts , but learn to read the facts of motivation and the variation and epth therein? you can tear up this bullshiut ,,its as misleading as it is is missing the point.
      if yur hanging round with passive aggressive guilt tripping fucks who will go to the lengths f conning yu they ae kind to get a potato? when they could simply offer yu half?
      gtf away from whoever told yu they meant that.
      do i have to do the whole list??

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  2. #26 I am pretty certain I look fat in this, but I love wearing it. I need you to tell me I don’t look fat to ease my anxiety.

    I don’t see anything wrong with the above points, but then I grew up with a brother who took everything at face value. Whether he was slightly autistic we shall never know.

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    • God knows why he did not set that “translation”, not from the beginning, nor after your comment.

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  3. I love this. As a neuro typical, even I am wondering how on earth people learn these sub texts and get along in life. On the one hand, My Aspie boy may well glide through life oblivious yet mildly confused at best!

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  4. This is BRILLIANT! I only wish someone would’ve given me these translations 30 years ago, thank you! (And by that, I mean all of those words just as written) 🙂

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  5. For #26, I think they really mean, “Please compliment me? I feel ugly.”

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  6. “She’s so naive…” which, in my experience, has come to mean, “She doesn’t get what we’re talking about, even though we’re not telling her directly at all, so it must be her.” I got that back in school all the time, and I still hear similar in the “adult” world today sometimes. If I don’t immediately get a joke/concept/play on words/whatever, it’s too often assumed it’s because I’m overall unable understand or I’m dense. In reality, JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT WHEN I ASK AND DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE I’M INSANE FOR NOT GETTING YOUR JOKE. It’s not that hard, and this one has been a real pet peeve with my customers at work. (I work at Starbucks, so I see a rather eclectic crowd every day, but this is something that happens way too often in my daily interactions. I just want to hang a sign or something on my register or espresso machine to the tune of, “I have ASD; don’t be a jerk about it.”)

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  7. Love all of these and think/feel they are right on target and not a problem for just some people….probably 90 % of men! 🙂

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    • Perhaps that points towards Simon Baron Cohen’s theory that autism is an extreme of the male mind.

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  8. I know what the answer to number 26 is, and it’s pretty much the same answer to the question “Does my bum look big in this?” I was told the answer by a woman a long time ago. I’m not going to write the exact word for word answer she told me, but basically a woman wants to know that you find her sexy and gorgeous, and that is really all she’s asking. 🙂

    Post a Reply
    • Tim, what if it’s not a woman you are dating? Maybe just a friend or even a relative what do they mean? ?

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      • Well that’s a question I can’t answer, lol, as it’s definitely not appropriate to use the one that woman gave me 🙂

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  9. I have difficulty the other way round, where I completely mean what I say but the other (typically NT) person *thinks* I am employing their double-speak. If I ask how you are, I want to know how you are. If I think something tastes amazing I will say that and mean it. People think I am weird for being too interested or sarcastic and over the top. I have one particular acquaintance who ties herself up in knots wondering what I REALLY meant when I said something. It wears me down so much I avoid her. However my daughter was giggling as we read this. I always say “I’ll be there in a minute” and she diligently counts to 60 then scolds me for lying! And she’s meant to be the one in the family who isn’t autistic 😀

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